dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
