In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
