The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
