Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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