Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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