Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize