You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
