wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
