I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
this just has baby written all over it
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize