operation have a gay friend backfired
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
