i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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