so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
