she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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