my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
