Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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