All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize