whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
