I think i peed on brittanys purse
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
