Fine. I'll sleep in my office
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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