So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
