Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
