Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
