We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
