So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
3pm strippers are depressing
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Couch. On fire.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
