closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
