Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
