Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
