In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I will be naked everywhere
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
