glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
