Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
