shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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