You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
