I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
