My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
