I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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