So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
