Nicole vs. Life
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
