when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just sucked dick on a ferry
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
