Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
