This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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