dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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