Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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