I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
