You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
