So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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