I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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