as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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