The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
