How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
