I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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