The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
