You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
