dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
