HIV tests are more positive than that guy
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize