guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
3pm strippers are depressing
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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