You just made me feel so damn special
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
