if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Too much gin, very little bucket
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
