and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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