'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
