I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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