you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
