Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
