The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
